On Writing, Silence and Pain.

I have to write. It’s what I do. It’s a thing with me. It’s because I’m a writer. And although I trained to be a writer. Spent years and indebted my life for tens of thousands to become a writer, that's not what made me a writer. 

I am just a slave to the words I am given. 

I did not choose to be a writer, at the age of two I was dictating stories to my mother, and at three I taught myself how to read so I could learn to write. At four I was tracing the backsides of my mother’s church notes, the curves of her cursive, like incense smoke across the page, and I wrote everything backwards because that is how it was as I saw it. I learned the shape and form of letters. began to write forward when I was 5 and I haven’t stopped. I have, however, had to put my words away on occasion.

To be without my words for so long has been a challenge. I have not updated my blog in any real sense for over a year. It’s not so much that I haven’t been spilling the words on pages, cutting them up and pasting them together again. I have. I’m working on a memoir and a couple outlines for new books in the Lunasea Series. One, a recipe book for Families (of all kinds. With resources specifically for families with low access to healthy food,) and one on Birthing, which I’ve done in three very different ways, with four kids of my own and have been a witness to and advocated for over many years, I spent two years devoted to mothers, while nursing twins and suffering PTSD. Staying connected and serving others helped me through a really dark time on my life but eventually I had to step back and devote time to myself, also a mother. I had to shelve my words.

I’ve been silent as well because my physical health has been very, very bad. I’ve had health issues since my second child was born in 2008, been in the ER. Had so many tests, X-RAYS, a CT scan. Nothing is really in place to help with what i’m dealing with because the medical system I have access to it limited here, I saw 6 specialist from Oct-Feb and spent hundreds to be told there was nothing they could do but write me prescriptions for pain. I don't tolerate pain killers. I have had a really low summer. I am housebound most of the time and in great deal of pain. That said, I have an inexplicably large amount of great art happening, and the book is doing well, it’s nearly SOLD OUT and will hopefully be reprinted this Winter, but I’m suffering too. If you are suffering as well, know you are seen and not alone. Pain is shitty. Chronic illness is exhausting. You are seen.

I have one more update, really. My friend Nessy has breast cancer. and it’s spread. She is in Chemo. She started this week. I felt pretty helpless about how to best support her being so far away, but I came up with this sale in my Etsy shop. 100% of profits will go to Nessy’s Cancer Fund. on sales now through Sept 1, 2015 Midnight.

Those co-pays are horrible. After my twins were born we had 45K just in co-pays and co-insurance. I cannot imagine how astronomical long term cancer treatment will be. You can also donate to her fund directly. Remember to love each other. And take time for self-care. Love yourself. Show everyone love. You are all you have, but you dont have to be alone. #fuckcancer #chronicpain #lovewins