Boppe Fryslân - or - An early View from Mother-Land

I have a lot of feelings about Mother's Day. Most of them are good thanks to the love and kindness of my Mother-in-law and Step-mom who have given me endless support as a Mother and from my own Mother and Grandmother who, though they don't celebrate the holiday, love me every day of the year and respect me as a parent. Not to mention all my awesome sister-friends who have supported me and loved me through what have been the hardest and most amazing 7+ years of my life. For them I am truly grateful.

But there is one person above all people in my life, all people EVER in my life, and I mean EVER who has given me the most support, respect, kindness, compassion, time, energy (and ultimately DNA) without which I would not be a Mother. Literally. If it were not for my husband I'd not only not be a Mother. I wouldn't be half as awesome a mom as I am. So today I'm sharing a piece I wrote in a recent writer's workshop (yes, I'm back in the Kitchen again...I can't help it) about the very beginning of our journey together. Thank you Mr. Freeze for being my partner in this crazy life. You have made every single Mother's day since we met a most amazing one. I love you with all my heart.





Boppe Fryslân

I'm sitting at his desk, crying, I'm crying so hard not out of sadness but out of pure, unadulterated, joy. I don't even believe in god but I'm thanking him, or her or whatever, for this moment, a moment of pure trust and gratitude. I am thanking this, and every, deity for all the moments leading up to this because they have all brought me right here, to this tiny room in Fryslân, seven thousand miles away from home, where I am sitting right now, weeping uncontrollably for the blessed state of my life.

Could I have ever begun to think this was possible four months ago when I met Theo for the first time in person? No, never. But here I am. Pregnant and so grateful to know someone so pure of heart. So loving. So rare. I don't even question it, which is so unlike me. I question everything. But not this. Not this trust. Not this love. This is the purest I've seen love manifest and it's so potent I am crying my eyes out in gratitude.

I know that there is nothing my heart desires that cannot be accomplished with this love beside me, in me, urging me on. There is no thing that could ever make this love grow less profound, it is so perfectly true. I am sitting at this desk, computer on, light shining through the skylight above me. I can hear the bells at the church in my village chiming each hour. The little church made of stone that was built by Frisian hands 700 years ago and still stands on the little terp that keeps it from flooding when the rains come to these parts, the flooding that is so prevalent in this land below the Sea.

I sit here, listening to the bells and the cows in their pens down the street, waiting to be milked after long days in the idyllic Frisian Fields, and I weep and weep and weep.

Because, despite my better judgment. despite all the liars that have proven my hopes false. Despite the trials and tribulations of all my years on the street. All the people who have failed me, bullied me and abandoned me, I trust this man completely and with all my heart. I have no doubt. I have no fear, I know he is Truth and Love and Beauty personified.

The child in my belly is a testament to this. The home he has opened to bring me into is a haven of this love.

There is no fear in me for the first time since I was 5 years old and I am so very grateful.

I weep for an hour. Two hours. Countless hours.

My eyes are red.

My heart is full.

And suddenly I am not alone.

The cat has come to sit with me. He knows I am not sad but he wants me to know I am not alone . His name is "Doerak". It means "naughty boy" in Frisian but he is far from naughty now. He is only gentleness and kindness and soft fur and loud purr.

Me and Doerak (hugging the baby bump)

The tears stop but my heart is soooo full. I can't contain it. I cry again. I have never cried for joy before. I marvel at it. I have read about it but never FELT it, done it, and here I am, tears steaming all in the name of joy! I am still sitting a the desk. It is warm here and I feel comfortable and safe. Nothing but the love of this man on my mind and the sounds of the cows and bells and the loudly purring cat.

I let it all go, again. I give in to this joy. I accept it and embrace it and embody it.

After the tears have receded again I arise from my chair and walk into the landing and to the stairs. The sun is shining through the window there and Doerak has followed me. He wants some food so we lumber down the wooden stairs, his 18 year old bones lead my pregnant hips to the foyer and we go through to the living room. I enter the kitchen, pour kibble out of the bag and into his dish and open the fridge to retrieve the plump grapes I've bought to snack on. I turn to the sink and wash them under the cool water, shake them dry and put them in the blue and white bowl I bought at the Xenos last week. I walk to the living room, leaving Doerak with his spoils.

The sun is casting lines on the floor through the venetian blinds. Sitting at the second hand table I bite into a purple treasure and feel the sweet-sour smack into my tastebuds as the peel is broken by my terrible teeth and wait until the man who renewed my faith in love and trust returns home to create this joyful life with me anew.

Mr Freeze and Mz. Moon at The Heide